As I walk down the street from our current residence to the subway, I could be pretty much anywhere in Europe. Well actually, I have only ever visited a few European cities outside of Germany: Salzburg, Madrid, Toledo, Bern, Zurich, and the Rheinfall in Switzerland. But, I imagine other big European cities to be very similar to München. Exploring our new Stadt, I pass hundreds of cafes, shops, churches, and old buildings:
Old Town Hall, Munich
(Built in 1474)
"New" Town Hall, Munich
(Built between 1867-1908)
However, every once in a while, I pass something that looks eerily familiar that stops me in my tracks. Sights like the Feldherrenhalle, where Hitler gave a speech during the “Beer Hall Putsch” bring back memories from Holocaust courses:
Odeonsplatz, Munich
(It was at Odeonsplatz on November 9, 1923, that Hitler attempted to bring down the Weimar Republic. Hitler's attempt was unsuccessful and he was sentenced to five years in jail. However, he only ended up serving nine months and it was in that time that he wrote Mein Kampf.)
Hmmm. I think to myself, “How am I reacting to this place or thing? How am I supposed to react to it? Should I be angry, sad, scared, upset? All of the above? Or, none of the above?”
When I first met my husband, Steve, and learned that he had studied abroad in Germany during his senior year of high school, I thought he was crazy. I did not understand how someone who is half-Jewish could live in a country that, at that time, I solely associated with the Holocaust. Nevertheless, we moved away from Seattle, where we met as AmeriCorps members, so that Steve could enter a PhD program in German history and study the development of the German Green Party. “Not even the Holocaust!” I lamented. But my love for Steve continued to grow and after we got engaged I found myself agreeing to spend this year abroad with him in Germany…the country that once tried to wipe out my ancestors.
I never had a desire to live in Germany, let alone visit. I was not against the idea of Germany; there were just so many other places that I wanted to explore instead. Still, unlike many of the more conservative Jews that I grew up with, I was never against buying a German car or spending money on anything German-crafted. Strangely, I thought that made me a better and more accepting person; I thought that I had no prejudices.
When Steve and I first traveled to Germany two summers ago, it was nothing like I imagined. Before our trip, the only pictures I had seen of Germany were from Holocaust books and films. On the plane I imagined landing in a country painted in black and white. Literally.
However, traveling to Sulzheim, a tiny village and home of my husband’s high school host family, from the Frankfurt airport was a wake-up call. In fact, Germany was not black and white, but painted all the colors of the rainbow. On our drive we saw skyscrapers and fast trains, gorgeous fields of sunflowers and small, red-roofed villages:
Sunflower Field
(Somewhere on the way from Frankfurt to Sulzheim.)
It was clear: Germany was working to recover from its past. But was I?
Inspired by the unexpected, I spent visits the next two summers trekking from Holocaust memorials to Jewish museums, from old, burned-down synagogue sites to newly renovated synagogue replicas, and from mass graveyards to new Jewish cemeteries, trying to come to terms with everything. Steve even pointed out gold plaques thrust between the sidewalk cement in Freiburg marking where Jews had once lived and sadly stating what happened to them during the War.
Through my journey I was able to look beyond the Germany of yesterday and transition into a mind-set where I felt comfortable moving forward to learn more about present-day German society. I came to understand that Germany has not yet fully come to terms with its history. Yet, Germany is working to recreate its image as well as physically rebuild itself from the destruction of war by attempting to preserve old culture and simultaneously develop a fresh new identity.
Today, I do not feel my former aversion to Germany. After making friends here and working to learn the language, I feel comfortable living in Munich and discovering more about the Germany of today. At the beginning of our time in Munich, Steve and I attended Yom Kippur services. For me, walking into a synagogue here and being part of the community was the perfect transition from dwelling, to remembering and moving forward.
By Photos and article by Jamie Snow
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